Hate from Depression

I hate everyone.

Sometimes it's because I can't control them.
Sometimes it's because they refuse logic and cling to the inane.
More often it's some defense mechanism because I'm depressed and have no life in me while they are doing things and moving along if only to meander.

Occasionally it's because I form an opinion on the spot and it fails miserably under scrutiny and instead of letting it go I lash out like an infant defending something for which I care nothing.

I can feel it shifting my personality.

I'm not an "every life is valuable" person like when I was religious.

I'm now a "no life is valuable unless it fulfills some evolved need that I personally have" person.

And that value is extrinsic.

What care I for people except that they are in a position to not cause me harm?
Except that they are someone I keep in my life to kill my need for them to, by their existence as a human and presence in my life, keep my inner fire lit in that we can have a care for each other's welfare?

When have I ever cared for an African child? Or even a child down the street?  Should I feed them to prevent suffering because they are within sight?

Maybe I truly have no empathy.  Maybe I'm so good at faking it that I convinced myself long ago that I care for people.